Who Do You Trust?

TRUST:
  1. A belief in the reliability, safety, truth, or ability of someone or something.
  2. To believe that someone is honest, good and will not harm you.

We have all had our trust betrayed and our hearts broken. It hurts! If we decide no one is trustworthy, we build a wall or shell around our hearts and refuse to let people in. This makes us skeptical, hard, miserable. Alternatively, when we feel our hurt, let it go and realize that some people are worthy of trust and some are not, we then can remain open and flexible.

Yes, we will get hurt again. If we learn from the experience, we become better judges of character.

In this video, Anya and Gael, two acrobats from Cirque du Soleil physically demonstrate TRUST. This is mesmerizing!

Here is the transcript:

 

Alya and Gael have to trust each other. As acrobats in Cirque du Soleil, they sometimes literally put their lives in someone else’s hands.

Trust is a confusing thing. It seems so simple, but when you try and pin it down, it can be illusive. I think of the way that my body sits on a surface that’s new to me, unknown, and how my muscles remain tight, anticipating anything and I’m constantly aware of that surface. Over time, with familiarity, I can relax and start to lean back. For many of us, that initial tension exists so much of the time. We expend so much energy watching and calculating, trying to predict, reading signals in people, ready for anything to change suddenly, preparing to be disappointed – so much energy spent.

For many of us, that initial tension exists so much of the time. We expend so much energy watching and calculating, trying to predict, reading signals in people, ready for anything to change suddenly, preparing to be disappointed – so much energy spent.

We talk about trust as something we build as if it’s a structure or a thing, but in that building, there seems to be something about letting go.

And what it affords us is a luxury. It allows us to stop thinking, to stop worrying that someone won’t catch us if we fall, to stop constantly scanning for inconsistencies, to stop wondering how other people act when they’re not in our presence. It allows us to relax a part of our minds so that we can focus on what’s in front of us, and that’s why it’s such a tragedy when it’s broken.

A betrayal can make you think of all the other betrayals that are waiting for you and things you haven’t thought of and people you rely on. And you can feel yourself tightening up, bracing; and in the worst cases, you might resolve to trust no one.

But that doesn’t really work.

Trust is your relationship to the unknown, what you can’t control. And you can’t control everything.

And it’s not all or none. It’s a slow and steady practice of learning about the capacity of the world. And it’s worth it to keep trying. And it’s not easy.

Alya says that trust is like a fork – not one way, but many ways: physical, emotional, and maybe something else.

I almost imagine trust as these invisible hands that we stretch out into the world, looking for something to hold onto as we walk into the unknown future.

Alya and Gael began practicing together as friends and now they are a couple. It took time.

So, who do you trust and how can you grow it?

* * *

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

Reaction FREE

Reaction FREE

A Reaction is a term used to describe an adverse situation where we lose our composure, equanimity or calmness in response to a situation or event that involves unwanted feelings hijacking us. These emotions can include intense feelings of pain, sadness, fear, anger or indignation that manifests as a fixation on being “right”, can be either conscious or unconscious and are accompanied by a physiological response that can be felt most intensely in our chest or stomach.

Reactions are usually instant, uncontrollable and overwhelming to our rational response causing us to say or do things that are not well thought out, hurtful or harmful to others or ourselves. Typically the core emotion or package of emotions relates to unresolved issues from the past that the current situation or event has triggered.

Trigger vs Reaction

Despite the overwhelming feeling that the trigger of the reaction is the cause of the unwanted emotions they are separate and distinct. Consider a firearm. The trigger sets off the firing mechanism that launches a pin into the back of the cartridge setting off the explosive, which propels the bullet. The trigger merely actuates the mechanism that results in the explosion (reaction).

Don’t Blame the Trigger

In order to resolve unwanted reactions and prevent future reoccurrences one must correctly separate the trigger from the cause of the reaction and resolve the cause. That means being willing to look into our past experiences. Incorrectly assigning blame to the trigger person, event or situation is a surefire way to avoid the cause and the responsibility, therefore ensuring no change and a repeat of the reaction in the future. This would ensure that we are at the effect of the triggers around us!

Over time a pattern of incorrectly assigning the cause (blame) of our reactions leads to avoiding the people, events or circumstances that we think are doing it to us. This mechanism is the primary cause of boom and bust cycles, long term avoidance or inability to engage in satisfying primary relationships, playing small in life and a general state of fear and contraction. Imagine for a moment one assigned the blame to losing, having or otherwise dealing with money… clearly this would cause an inability to make, keep or be responsible for money.

Responsibility means that we own our reactions are our reactions and while people, events or circumstances may trigger our reactions, we are responsible for the reaction itself including the past experience that contains the unwanted emotions.

Unfortunately most people spend a considerable amount of time either avoiding situations that trigger reactions or dealing with the unpleasant aftereffects of a reaction and the resultant undesirable behavior. Since we know that our results in life are driven by our behaviors and that a large part of our behaviors are caused by our reactions, we can say with certainty that this is one of the primary ways that past negative experiences influence our current results.

Transformation of Reactions = Transformation of Results

By taking responsibility for our reactions and committing to a life-long journey to become Reaction Free we are able to transform our results in ways that we could not previously predict or even contemplate as possible.

Some of the areas one can expect to transform include improved ability to: communicate, ask for what you want, speak in public, maintain harmony in relationships, feel joy and happiness, sustain focus, resolve upsets, negotiate contracts, handle rejection, develop new relationships, handle difficult people and challenging situations, avoid conflict, increase income, retain more of what you make, lead people, inspire people to action, and much, much more!

We Become Numb or Over-Sensitive

Repeated, recurring reactions cause us to desensitize to the reaction and over time we become either numb to our emotions or highly sensitive and over-reactive. This means that we cannot afford to ignore our reactions because the longer we leave them and “live with them” the more numb or over-sensitive we become. It also means that the bigger game we commit to playing in life the more reactions we will run into…

Chain Reactions

A Chain Reaction is where two or more people experience a reaction to another person who in turn reacts to them and so on so forth. We call this “going to hell in a hand basket” and can be very difficult to get out of because neither person is able to think clearly and therefore communicates from their reaction to make the other person’s reaction worse.

When a person is “communicating from their reaction” they believe that the person in front of them that triggered their reaction is the cause of their unwanted feelings, is hostile towards them and does not realize that their perceptions are skewed by the intensity of their reactions. This means that they are not seeing or hearing what is said accurately and literally see and hear things that are not done or said. You could say that they are “making up s..t”.

People who engage in tit-for-tat actions from perceived slights or offenses are often doing so from reaction and are only making matters worse which leads to an escalating “cycle of violence”.

Perceived Threats to Survival

If a person perceives that their physical survival, reputation, money, job, business, or relationship is under threat (real or imagined) they can become so triggered by the circumstances that they succumb to a “single person chain reaction” that can be very difficult to get out of. Out of desperation they take counterproductive actions that lead to an even greater threat to their survival, which leads to even more desperate actions. This is a “death spiral”.

It’s a Minefield

Have you ever been in a relationship with a person who was so sensitive to small nuances that they go into reaction at the slightest provocation? This is like walking through a minefield, you never know when you are going to step on a mine and blow yourself up. These people force everyone around them to deal with their reactions and take zero responsibility for them while at the same time make a huge deal out of your once-in-a-while reaction. In some cases these people are so reactive they can’t help themselves. In other cases they are using their reactions to control and dominate the people around them…

12 Rules of Reaction

The following are a set of guidelines to support with the journey to become Reaction Free:

  1. Commit to being Reaction Free and take responsibility for your reactions.
  2. See every reaction as an opportunity to learn, grow and to develop more capability.
  3. Know when you or others are in a reactive state.
  4. Recognize triggers from reactions from causes.
  5. Don’t believe everything you think or feel when you or others are clearly in a reactive state.
  6. Don’t make major decisions when you are in reaction.
  7. Learn and apply the best way to disengage yourself from reaction.
  8. Master the skills to avoid other peoples reactions and to effectively get them out of reaction in the most speedy and graceful way possible.
  9. If possible, communicate with the other person or people that you are in reaction and just need a little time to get out of it.
  10. Use every time you have a reaction as an opportunity to gain clarity about yourself and to master getting out of it faster and resolving more of your unresolved past.
  11. Don’t use your reactions as an excuse for low performance or to justify taking your negative feelings out on them.
  12. Understand your limits and don’t aggressively put yourself into overwhelm by setting off too many reactions that you can’t cope with.

What is the Fastest Way to Become Reaction Free?

The fastest way to resolve ones reactions and to become Reaction Free is via a relationship where both partners share a common context and utilize communication tools to identify the original cause of their reactions so as to resolve them so they don’t repeat.

If you surround yourself with people at work and home whom share the same context and desire to become Reaction Free, the result is over time feelings of freedom, being in control of ones life, peace and genuine serenity increase. This leads to higher levels of satisfaction with life, relationships and enhanced performance in all areas.

More tools, support and educational programs are available:

Sometimes one-on-one coaching can help:

Good luck and here is to more freedom from unwanted emotions, reactions and blame!

Cheers…
Harrison
XOXO


Give Yourself a Quantum Leap!

If you are looking for an immediate updraft, an infusion of beauty and aesthetic, where awe-inspiring environment meets the latest, freshest information, delivered in a fun and engaging, custom crafted learning environment… consider joining us at a 3-Day GOLDZONE Experience. It will change your mind about learning, engage all your senses and most of all make you a better, more successful and effective leader!

To learn more about the exciting 3-Day GOLDZONE Experience click > here

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

Passion

PASSION (2)

In this article you will discover what
PASSION looks and feels like!

When I am feeling passionate, I have a heightened sense of vitality, aliveness, vibrancy, drive and enthusiasm.  There is a warm excitement and an all-consuming focus on my sensations.  I have a sense of confidence, total concentration and a keen awareness.

I feel an intense positive relationship with another person or group of people — a communion, unity, closeness, friendliness, freedom, mutual respect and interdependence.  I have a growing sense of trust and appreciation for whoever I am around or working with.  There is a desire for giving, for doing something for another person.

I seem to be immediately in touch with, and appreciative of, my immediate physical sensations.  I notice that I am experiencing everything fully, completely, and thoroughly.  I feel fully alive, as if another dimension has been added and everything has a greater intensity.  All my senses seem to be completely open.

There is a quickening of my heartbeat, my blood pressure goes up and blood seems to rush through my body.  My body tingles and my breathing becomes faster and faster.  My muscle tone is suddenly enhanced, and I feel strong with a sense of being more substantial, of existing, of being real.

I am aware of being caught up and overwhelmed by the feeling, as if gripped by the situation.  I am intensely here and now.  I am completely focused on this excitement. Nothing intrudes, all other feelings diminish, and it fills my whole being, spreading over everyone and everything.

I lose myself completely in the feeling and the experience; there is no thinking, just feeling.  There is a great desire to let go of myself completely.

Words come easily as I am able to express myself fully and can freely share my thoughts and feelings with others.  My movements are easy and flowing and I become especially coordinated.  I am less aware of time.  I feel expansive and there is a gradual swelling of intensity building up to a peak.  It easily flows from the inside to the outside.

If you are ready to have a different kind of life, then it is urgent
you infuse your life with aliveness, desire and passion..

Ignite Your PASSION!

The GOLDZONE Experience is now available.  It’s an unforgettable 3-day experience that can help you join a unique group of gifted leaders and master teachers who are living their dream vision, lives and careers, and who are now eager to help you do the same. Learn more > here

Give Yourself a Quantum Leap!

Act Today to Register Your Place at the next
GOLDZONE Experience by Calling 

+1-888-995-2188 or fax +1-888-995-2189
To register online > click here

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

ZONE TIPS > Your Feelings Are Not Reliable

Feelings are important to our experience of living as human beings. It is said that all mammals have some feelings; however, as human beings we have the widest range of feelings. Beyond the basic triad of pain, pleasure and numb, we have a lot of nuances to describe how we feel at any given moment — about everything we experience.

When it comes to making decisions, even the most rational, seemingly emotionless decision-makers are, unbeknownst to them, influenced by their feelings — even if they are not consciously aware of them. Even no feeling is a feeling.

Because of past things that have happened to us (both real and imagined) we tend to have conflicting emotions, as well as stacks of misplaced emotions, that get projected onto items, areas, subjects and people that they do not belong to.

If we make decisions based on how we feel, we will often get ourselves into trouble. On the other hand if we ignore how we feel, and make decisions that are based on the ultimate rational logic, we will also get into trouble. So the optimum decision-making method is to balance both rational and emotional factors to arrive at the best outcome possible under the circumstances.

When it comes to working towards a goal or intended outcome, we can be succeeding and making progress, and yet our emotions could be indicating that nothing is working and we are going to fail!  The opposite is also true, where we are doing poorly and yet feel on top of the world.  Most people would think this is not possible, and that surely when going up, one would feel up, and when going down, one would have that dreaded sinking feeling. For a variety of reasons, our emotions get mixed up and we feel the wrong thing at the wrong time.  This leads us to make incorrect assessments and assumptions.

That sounds scary, so what do we do about it? The fastest, easiest and most reliable thing to do is to use statistics and measurements to track your progress.  Then there is no emotion involved and it is simply a matter of “What does the stat show”? An analogy for this is when a pilot is flying a plane in bad weather when they cannot see the horizon. The pilot’s feelings and sense of direction can get so confused by the lack of visual stimuli, that up feels like down and down can feel like up… yikes! How does a pilot handle this phenomena? They fly by instruments.  So, rather than relying on your feelings for your decision-making and assessment of how you are doing, look to your instruments — otherwise known as statistics.

Here are just some statistics that you could measure, record and plot on a graph to show progress and the trend over time (in no particular order):

  1. net worth
  2. bank balance
  3. weight
  4. body measurements
  5. mood level
  6. number of fights with people
  7. days without a fight
  8. number of magic moments
  9. income
  10. expenses
  11. blood pressure
  12. depressed days
  13. inspired days
  14. energy level
  15. total debt
  16. total assets
  17. days you exercise
  18. dates of sexual activity
  19. number of headaches
  20. dollars invested

This list is by no means exhaustive; there are many more items you could track statistics on. We recommend you make your own list and begin tracking stats!

BTW, some people will have feelings about stats and the accountability that comes with them.  These feelings may get in the way of taking action…

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

Your Inner-Critic

Have you ever made a mistake, then a split-second later felt the sting of dread, shame, and disapproval followed by a critical inner voice that judges and finds fault with what you have done?

Both the feeling and the voice are manifestations of what is known as your “Inner-Critic.” This article explores what is an Inner-Critic, how it works, where it came from and how to free oneself once and for all of this sabotaging mechanism.

Let’s explore the definition in more detail:

INNER:

  1. Situated inside, further in or internal.
  2. Spiritual, mental or emotional.
  3. Private and not expressed or discernible.

CRITIC:

  1. A person who disapproves and expresses their unfavorable view of something.
  2. A person who judges and evaluates or analyzes literary or artistic works, dramatic or musical performances.
  3. A person who tends too readily to make trivial, or harsh judgments; faultfinder.

INNER-CRITIC:

  1. Internal, private voice that disapproves, judges, evaluates and finds fault saying that he or she is bad, wrong, inadequate, worthless, guilty and not good enough.

If you are like most people, your feelings about criticism range from mild dislike, strong dislike to outright hatred for the criticism and the person giving it.

There are two main types of criticism: constructive and destructive. The difference between the two comes down to the intention of the critic. If the critic intends to improve something and delivers their criticism with this in mind, then the criticism is often (not always) received differently than when the intention of the critic is to minimize, tear down or destroy.

Criticism is also known as feedback.

The problem for most people is that they have experienced so much destructive criticism that they can’t tell the difference between the two types. So, they end up reacting to all criticism/feedback and writing it off automatically.

All successful people, public figures, and leaders are subject to both types of criticism. Learning to differentiate between the two types, and allowing oneself to benefit from the criticism/feedback – without taking it personally – is an art and skill developed over time.

More insidious and destructive than any critic you may encounter at work or at home, is the one you take with you on a permanent basis: the one inside your head that is known as the “INNER CRITIC”.

The Inner Critic is that part of yourself that criticizes everything you do, doubts what you do, doesn’t think you are good enough, gives you negative thoughts, is cynical, is never satisfied, and is a perfectionist.

Another term for the Inner Critic is the Inner Villain that plays a destructive game with yourself. Once you have disengaged from dramas with other people, you then have the task of disengaging from your own Villain that is making you a Victim to yourself.

As long as you are busy blaming other people for your feelings and circumstances, your Inner Critic remains invisible to you. So it stands to reason that when you cease blaming others, you will then become aware of your own self-blame, and inner criticism. It is your inner criticism that has you blaming others in the first place.

If you are sensitive to others blaming or criticizing you, then you have a well-developed Inner Critic. It is the Inner Critic that cares what others think about you. It is the Inner Critic that has you feeling hurt by what others say or do.

Once you have dealt with your Inner Critic, you will be less at the effect of other people, and more at cause over all areas of your life.

If you have a fear of rejection, this is a fear born directly from the essence of your Inner Critic.

Technically, the Inner Critic is your shadow self that is you rejecting you. It is found in the depths of your subconscious mind. The opposite of your Inner Critic is self-acceptance, which is called your Inner Cheerleader.

When your Inner Critic is beating you up for a mistake you made, you become unsavory to other people. They feel that you are negative and perhaps toxic, and therefore will be inclined to reject you. Your Inner Critic seduces the worst behavior from people, as it only leaves space for a harmful act or nasty comment. You might as well have a sign on your forehead that says, “Beat me up, reject me.”

It takes a very clear person to see this and not reject you or beat you up. This takes a lot of energy and isn’t fun. So you are no fun to be around (and you can’t stand yourself either.)

So now that we know what the Inner Critic is, how do we deal with it? How do we disengage from it?

The Inner Critic never goes away totally. It always remains in the background… always, and ever listening. So we can disengage from it but never get rid of it totally.

How do you Disengage your Inner Critic?

Well, the first step is to become consciously aware of when your Inner Critic is at play. Once you are aware of it, your task is to accept your Inner Critic. Once you have fully accepted your Inner Critic, you can then accept yourself.

Self-acceptance is the key.

Because two things cannot occupy the same space, the antidote to the Inner Critic is the Inner Cheerleader. So, when you hear negative self-talk from the inner critic, thank it for sharing and counter with positive encouragement from your Inner Cheerleader.

If you are with another person, friend or colleague and you notice your Inner Critic is running you, and you are unable to disengage it, then the best thing to do is take time out until you have it under control. This is responsible behavior and puts you more AT CAUSE.

The ultimate solution to the Inner Critic is to clean slate the area. This means clearing the areas that created your Inner Critic in the first place. Namely, the things that you have done to others, and things others have done to you.

There is no quick fix to this. It is an ongoing journey that you take with yourself.

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

The Impact of Shame and What to Do About It

The purpose of this article is to discuss the subject of shame, its impact on one’s life and what steps can be taken to release the feeling of shame and the effects these feelings create.

First, let’s look at some definitions:

SHAME: A strong negative emotion that combines feelings of dishonor, unworthiness, and embarrassment.

GUILT: An awareness of having done wrong accompanied by feelings of shame and regret.

REGRET: To feel sorry and sad about something previously done or said that now appears wrong, mistaken, or hurtful to others.

In the Optima Zones, shame is located in the Redzone just above denial which is in the Brownzone. You could say that shame is right on the border between the Redzone and Brownzone.

While shame may appear to be an undesirable emotion, it is vital to the effective functioning of society and is necessary for our individual survival. The purpose of shame is to stop us from engaging in harmful or destructive behavior, and to encourage positive behavior. So when a person has harmful behavior and yet feels no shame, they are very dangerous because there is nothing within them to stop their harmful behavior. These people have no remorse.

Behavior Control

In all human societies, shame is used by others to control personal behavior. For example, when a person is caught stealing or telling a lie, they feel ashamed – which acts as a deterrent to prevent the person from stealing or lying again. When the reward of the stolen item or lie is greater than the potential shame of being caught, many people will continue their harmful behavior. This conscious wrongdoing has a very destructive effect on one’s life by adding shame on top of shame. This is because shame is invoked by wrongdoing in addition to the shame that is invoked by being caught.

The True Cost is Cumulative

Therefore, the true cost of wrongdoing is the cumulative and compounded feelings of personal shame! The fear of being caught and publicly shamed has one committing more cover ups, lies, etc., and creates cautiousness, conservatism, low confront, slowness and immobility. This traps a person in the Orangezone (fear) and the Redzone (grief and shame) and prevents them from asking for what they want, acting with confidence and creating the realities that they want.

Body shame may have one either physically obsessed or physically lazy, while at the same time, they may have no shame around money; and therefore, may be able to make lots of money. (However, if they have shame around giving themselves what they want, they may have trouble spending it.)

Shame in too many areas will have a person unable to be successful in any area. Shame in a few areas will cause problems in just a few areas, with a small overflow to the other areas.

Live Your Life Without Shame

Living one’s life in a way that creates no new shame, and cleaning up all past shame allows a person to create the realities that one wants, to be in the right place at the right time, and to be at total cause over one’s life.

So what about the people who feel ashamed, and yet do not have conscious memory of wrongdoing? Often this is caused by years of social and cultural conditioning where we are told what is good and bad, right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, and what we should and shouldn’t do. These are given to us by our parents, family, teachers, media, religion, etc. For example, if we have been trained that pre-marital sex is wrong and we engage in pre-marital sex, even though we may consciously think it is OK, we will feel some level of shame. If we withdraw from all things we feel shame around, we would end up living a very limited, at effect life. Therefore, the key to healthy and successful living is to consciously choose and make up our own minds as to what is right from wrong, good from bad, to choose rightaction instead of wrongdoing, and to educate ourselves in a way that allows us to make educated choices.

Our True Feelings Are Often Hidden in Our Unconscious

The challenge with most feelings of shame, is that they are buried deep in our subconscious, and we often have not conscious awareness until the shame is triggered or our results are not what we intended. Many of our behaviors are created by feelings of shame that have us driven in one area and withdrawn from another. For example, if we were a fat child and suffered a lot of ridicule, we may, as an adult, be obsessed with fitness or be totally lazy. If our family struggled for money and was out of control, as an adult we may work obsessively and make money in order to avoid the shame of feeling out of control. (One of the benefits of obsessive work and busyness is the avoidance of feeling.) It is important to note that even though as an adult we may have corrected the physical cause of the childhood shame (ie., going from fat to fit, and poor to rich), we may still have the emotional shame buried in our psyche.

If you have any area of life that is not flowing, and after taking the correct actions, no improvement is sustainable, you may find that shame is inhibiting the area.

Here are the steps to healing shame and alleviating its effects:

  • Commit to right action as a way of life.
  • Take massive action to correct any past wrongdoing.
  • Review any areas of your life that are not flowing; identify any hidden shame.
  • Clean slate any areas of shame.

© Goldzone Education. All rights reserved.

What Are Emotions?

In this article, you will discover the language of
emotion, where they come from and why
emotion drives everything.

Love, anger, hate, fear. These are examples of emotions. Most people spend their time chasing emotions they want and avoiding emotions they don’t want. The trouble with living this way is that the emotions you are chasing seem to run away faster than you can catch them – and the emotions you are avoiding (or running from) seem to follow you wherever you go!

Research shows that most people make buying decisions emotionally, followed by rational, logical justifications. This means that in order to lead or influence people – you must move them emotionally. This is impossible to do – authentically – if you are not moved emotionally yourself.

What are emotions anyway?

From mid-16th century French, the word e-mo-tion is derived from the Latin word emovere, which means to excite, to move. Emotions range from feeling nothing or being numb, all the way to feeling fully alive. Emotion could be described as Energy in Motion or in other words, it is the energy that creates our motion.  It is the fuel that moves us.  Just as there are positive and negative flows of electricity, there are positive and negative flows of emotion. You could say this as moving towards, and moving away from.

When we are attracted to something or are feeling enthusiasm – we move towards it.  When we are feeling angry – we attack (which moves the target away.)  When we are scared – we move away from the potential threat.  When we have given up – we go numb. And when we are numb – we have no idea how we feel about anything!

Most of our actions are driven by these known and unknown emotions.  How we feel about people, places and events dictate our actions or how we behave.

All emotions involve both a physical and mental component. We feel them physically in our bodies and along with these feelings are packages of thoughts and beliefs. Some people say that the thought creates the feeling; others say that feeling creates the thought. I don’t think it matters which creates the other, as they clearly go together.

Childhood influence

From the time that we were small children, we were taught by people who we loved and trusted that there are “good” emotions and “bad” emotions.  For example, we may have been told that anger was OK and joy was not OK.  In other families, they were told that anger was not OK and joy was OK.

To fully understand the role of emotions in our lives requires us to consider changing this childhood programming: What is an OK feeling and what is a not-OK feeling? Our judgments of good and bad have us suppressing what we consider to be bad, and over-expressing what we consider to be good.  Whenever we are over-expressing, we are not being authentic and are acting.  Acting takes a lot of energy/Lifeforce to maintain and can feel like hype to others.

Why can’t I feel?

Whenever we suppress a feeling, it stays locked within us and denies access to our energy, our vital force.  This is because emotions are an integral component of our Lifeforce.  Whenever we block an emotion from flowing, or don’t allow ourselves to feel it, we are blocking our Lifeforce. It is common for people to suppress unwanted emotions.  They are not realizing that their ability to experience desirable emotions is limited by this same suppression.

To the degree that you can experience the depths of the unwanted emotions, you can also experience the highs of the desirable emotions. For many of us, a lifetime of emotional suppression has caused us to “numb out” to how we feel about many of the people and events in our lives. People who are numbed out can act in a way that is harmful to others because they are disconnected from their own and other people’s feelings.

“Putting up with” has a hidden cost

An example of this numbing effect is when someone “puts up with” a job they hate over a long period. If they do nothing to change the situation, they may become numb in order to cope. This numbness can prevent them from connecting with their real passion and can make it difficult for them to start a business, change jobs, or change careers. In fact, if you suggest that this person consider a new career, you will run into their resistance and lack of motivation. Ask any numb person to change, and you will run into the same phenomena.

This does not mean that we should express all our emotions inappropriately, or in a way that infringes on the rights of others. Allowing ourselves to fully experience the emotion will allow it to flow. When our feelings flow, so does our life.  When our feelings are blocked, our lives are filled with struggle, drama, and problems.

Mis-wired emotions

Some people assert that you can’t feel anything unless you choose to. Next time someone purposely stomps on your foot to enjoy your pain, try and remember that! Chances are no matter how calm you are, you will feel angry. If your response is joy and happiness, then you may be suffering from a common affliction of mis-wired emotions – in other words, feeling a different emotion than what most people would consider normal.

To share an example of this, a few years ago I attended a funeral where the widow of the deceased was laughing loudly with other family members right before the coffin was lowered into the grave. Most people would find that unusual or abnormal. An appropriate emotion at a funeral would be grief and sadness along with a cocktail of other emotions as the mourners remember the good, the bad and the “other” from the deceased’s life.

Emotional mastery

The mastery and understanding of our emotions is essential to the understanding and mastery of life. So what would happen if people learned about feelings, and their impact on life? What would happen if people listened to their intuition and their emotional natures more and included this input into their decision-making? What would happen if people learned safe ways to express their feelings – rather than suppress them?

We would have happier, more fulfilled, more balanced, more loving societies.


If you are ready to have a different kind of life, then it is urgent
you infuse your life with aliveness, desire, and passion.

Ignite Your PASSION!

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The Weather and Your Mood

Have you ever noticed that when the weather is warm, the air is clear and the sky is blue – you feel upbeat, optimistic and happy? On the other hand, when the weather is extremely hot or cold, the air is polluted and the sky is overcast – you feel depressed, pessimistic and unhappy?

Denial of Feelings Can Lead to Irrational Actions

Many people who deny their feelings in order to make rational decisions are inadvertently making emotional decisions.

If you ignore, suppress or deny the emotional aspect – you will end up being totally influenced by the emotion.  All the while, you’re thinking you are using reason and being totally rational!

The best decisions are made after taking into account how something feels – then making an optimum decision that includes logic, reason and emotion.

Passion is Powerful

Passion is powerful…
Nothing was ever achieved without it,
and nothing can take it’s place.

No matter what you face in life,
if your passion is great enough
you will find the strength to succeed.

Without passion, life has no meaning.
So, put your heart, mind, and soul
into even your smallest acts…
This is the essence of passion.

This is the secret to Life.

– James Robert Rowe